I... I... there are no words!
After sneaking around Trying to catch up on school stuff, I went into my room and the door was open and I looked on the bed and, and, it was awful!
My Samurai Goroh action figure was... was... in FIVE PIECES! And his head was missing, along with his deluxe accessory pack items!
Whoever did this will pay! WITH THEIR LIVES!
Please return the accessory pack items, that sword was a one of a kind item ;____;
I just found out! I'm so mad now!
My big distraction is gone! GONE!
Why does Capcom have to be such WUSSY-BOYS they are terrified of a little dark? Geesh, I stopped being afraid of the dark BEFORE I WAS EVEN BORN. Obviously these wussy-boys should all go out and buy Deluxe Fire Stingray F-Zero Racer nightlights t
hat might come with Deluxe Samuari Goroh Action Figures With Kung Fu of Death Grip and canons to shoot the ladies out of if they are so afraid of the dark! THEY ARE SO STUPID. Now I have to work on a new plan! ARG!
Being by myself at the compound was weird! I kept hearing WEIRD noises but it would end up being something STUPID like the speakers.
Yeah sorry about that Dad, I might have put my sword through the sound system. TWICE. My Bad! Everything in the fridge was super moldy! I ate peanut butter and ho-hos for two weeks! And didn't have to have any tea! IT WAS AWESOME!!!!
But then I got stuck in the room with the hidden stash of CANDY and had to eat my way out. My stomach bulges now! Like one of those weird starving kids! And when I poke it, I can feel individual M&Ms and candies in there! This is way more fun than popping packaging bubbles!
If anyone wants to hang out, I'm trying to fit the last two bags of candy
all that was left that I didn't eat in through the door to my dorm room. Did these doors get smaller while I was away? I might have to give away some of this candy so I can get in.
Oh yeah, and I brought the thing you wanted, Dad!
AHHH DRIVERS ED CLASS.
It was so awesome! My stupid machine kept malfunctioning and I ended up missing most of it, but what I saw? TOTALLY AWESOME.
See I told you my dad invented awesome!!
AND THEN, AND THEN, AND THEN DAD AND GODFATHER AND GODMOTHER GOT TOGETHER AND TOTALLY EXPLODED THE MONSTER. IT WAS SO AWESOME. I THINK I'M GOING TO DIE.
MY FAMILY WAS BACK TOGETHER AND FIGHTING FOR JUSTICE AND AWESOME FOR OVER A WHOLE MINUTE!!
Who knew explosions and robots and silly poses brought people back together?!
YES POP I GOT THE MESSAGE. Apparently I was suppose to introduce myself or something. I DON'T HAVE TO PLAY BY THE RULES. I'VE GOT A SWORD. PEOPLE WITH SWORDS MAKE THEIR OWN RULES.
... FINE DAD. I'm Dai, Dai Goroh. Yes, the son of THAT Goroh, who invented pretty much everything awesome. And yes, awesome does run in the family.
Anyway, while I was doing recon wandering around campus, I noticed tons of you lot have these mother things. And these mother things send you PRESENTS unlike stupid lame godfathers. JUST ONE PRESENT. IT WOULDN'T HAVE KILLED YOU. And COOKIES. LOTS OF COOKIES.
So I decided to offer the chance for one of you lot to join the Goroh family as my mother-thing! I'll be holding auditions for this role all week. Ideally, applicants for this position should possess at least one quality or skill from the list below, but anyone can apply.
Dai's list of desirable woman-thing qualities:
*Fleshbags! Apparently Pop likes looking at them? Perhaps this would save her from the cannon
*Ability to summon cookies from nowhere!
*And milk, too!
*Awesome at racing!
*An unlimited supply of markers!
*Fond of RANDOMLY YELLING.
*A sword. Maybe a whole ROOM of swords.
*The ability to break wind on command. This is VERY important in the Goroh household!
*Command codes for the school security system
*A pantry thing filled with cheese wiz.
*An arm made out of guns. Maybe a leg, too.
*A pet dinosaur.
Again, if you feel you have a desirable quality or skill that wasn't listed, feel free to show up anyway! The more applicants we get, the better chances my pops won't shoot you out of a cannon will like you! Once at the audition I'll hand you a short questionnaire to fill out, and from those questionnaire's I'll create a pool of candidates for my dad. And then the winner gets to join the Goroh family! Even though I haven't run this by dad. BUT I MAKE MY OWN RULES.
Anyone who comes and fills out the questionnaire gets CANDY. And whatever stuff I can steal from under the old man's nose.